


In Dreams

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF, Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst, Dreams, Gen, M/M, Pining, Prompt Fic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 03:16:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10234613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "It was only ever in dreams he got to see them."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1000trillionpercent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000trillionpercent/gifts).



Maybe it was because he used to keep the videos on in the background while he worked.

Maybe it was because he started listening to the podcasts while he slept.

Maybe it was because he started following their snapchats, literally seeing a side of them he’d never been privy to before.

Whatever the reason, this was the fourth time this week (who knows how many times this past month) that Ethan had dreamt about them.

Heard Charlie’s deep voice whispering bad dick jokes in his ear, had been assaulted by Andrew’s contagious giggle and half smile, had woken up sad and unfulfilled that he had not, in fact, been cuddled up on a couch watching shitty movies.

It was only ever in dreams he got to see them.

To experience them.

To be with them.

To..

No, that was ridiculous. That was way too complex a thing to be thinking or feeling about people he’d never met.

But he thought about the collection of animal slippers and the easy laughter. He thought about the unabashed 6-year-old-girl scream and the simple half smile.

And there it was, heavy and bouncing and ricocheting off his insides: a feeling.

So strong it broke him apart inside, but so tacky, so sticky sweet it held him together.

A thing he didn’t know what to do with, so he just let it sit there, curled against his belly, pressing into his heart, choking him up and crushing him into the mattress.

Why did he have it? What could he possibly do with it? He didn’t know how to nurture it, how to make it grow, how to get rid of it, he didn’t know anything about it. Sometimes it comforted him. Sometimes it was just a nuisance. And sometimes… Sometimes it was just about the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

As much as he loathed the thing, the feeling, he didn’t know what he’d do without it. It felt safe and familiar, like a friend he could trust, one that couldn’t betray him. What could this feeling hurt? What could this dreaming hurt?

Absolutely no one.

No one except him.

Every time he woke up.

 

Ethan curled up around the heavy weight of his inadmission and closed his eyes, desperate to return.

 

Don’t think about it. Don’t talk about it.

Just go look for it.

In dreams.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [tumblr](https://abeautifultrashpile.tumblr.com/post/158236767745/crankyplier-abeautifultrashpile-as-i-was-trying)


End file.
